Rev-elevations :)

This period of time during my fast has really opened up a new dimension in my walk with God and brought a whole new level of closeness with Him as well...

At the moment, I'm jotting down lots of words and answers that God has spoken to me in my ol' faithful,private & confidential, top-secret devotional book (a bit exaggerating here...hehe). I can't deny how happy and at the same time in awe with the amount of revelations upon revelations that He has continually dropped in my mind.

I really really want 2010 to be one of the most life-changing year for me. During this period, there's a sudden surge of holy dissatisfaction of who I am, what I am, how I am and where I am at the moment, which is good, that I know I can push myself to be better, to strive to be on the top...

At the moment, Deuteronomy 28:13 has kept ringing in my mind..

"And the LORD will make you the head and not the tail; you shall be above only, and not be beneath...."

I then asked God, why? Why this verse? I've really tried and gave my best in all that I've done.. EMERGE was quite a major setback, as for every competition that I've joined, I've started well (being the top scorer for both Nintendo Wii Ping-Pong and Word Power), to end up losing or just being 2nd best. Just now during service was another setback, as I lost yet again for the Leader's Memory Verse, losing by a mere ONE mark.

Look, it's not that I have a 'perfectionist' attitude or anything like that, but when you know you have given your all, knowing at one point you are at the top, to suddenly go all the way to the bottom.. that's not a very nice feeling to have...To put it in other words, from being the 'head', in the end, I became the 'tail'.

God then revealed the second part of the verse to me...

"If you heed the commandments of the LORD your God, which I command you today, and are careful to observe them."

"Heeding the commandments of the LORD?" I asked. "Oh, the 10 Commandments given by God to Moses on the stone tablets right? Of course, I do remember and carefully observe and obey all of them." But I then realize it's more than just that, which got me turning to what Jesus has said in reply to the question the Pharisees asked Him. One of them questioned Him of what is the GREATEST commandment?

Jesus answered :

"'Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.' This is the first and greatest commandment." - Matthew 22:37-38

This has really opened my eyes. I can't deny at times I do fall into temptations. I do struggle with faith issues. I do skip reading my Bible or even doing my devotions. I've said things, which I shouldn't have said, and I've done things which I'm not proud of, things that I shouldn't have done, things that I've certainly regretted. Most importantly, it no longer matters whether I was the head, or the tail or in the middle. What matters most now is DO I REALLY REALLY LOVE HIM?

What is the condition my HEART towards You? How is my SOUL reacting to You? Is my MIND alligned to Your thoughts? I admit as well, that I've depend on my own strength more than Your strength lately..

Oh Lord, are you calling me to LOVE You in a whole, new different level? I want a breakthrough. A breakthrough beyond breakthroughs. Next year will be different. Next year will indeed be an awesome and amazing year. Next year, a whole new season, a new journey, a new walk, a new discovery and adventure on this path called 'life'. When I'm at the top, I will remain at the top. When I'm at the bottom, I will climb myself to the top. Let me not be slack no more, neither will I be complacent in things I find 'easy' or 'non-challenging'.

Thank You for this 'wake-up call'. I'm more focused and determined now. And as I was writing this.. He gave me this sentence...

When you love Me, everything else will just fall into place.

=) Amen!

Yoooossssssssssh! 2010. Here I come!